Are U an Engineers?

Comprehending Engineers - Take One

Two male engineering students were walking across campus when one said,"Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said,"Take what you want." The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probablywouldn't have fit."

Comprehending Engineers - Take Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To a pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Comprehending Engineers-Take Three

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimedin, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!" The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him."[dramatic pause] "Hi George. Say, what's with that group aheadof us? They're rather slow, aren't they? The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said,"Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

Comprehending Engineers-Take Four

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers? Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.

Comprehending Engineers-Take Five

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Comprehending Engineers - Take Six

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess". He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn meback into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of hispocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want for a week." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't havetime for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, that's cool.

95 years old mom

With the help of a fertility specialist, a 95 year old womanhas a baby. All her relatives come to visit and meet thenewest member of their family.

When they ask to see the baby, the 95 year old mother says, "Not yet."

A little later they ask to see the baby again.Again the mother says, "Not yet."

Finally they say, "When can we see the baby?" And the mothersays, "When the baby cries."

So they ask, "Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?"

The new mother says, "I forgot where I put it."