Regards - Men of the World

Extremely important advice and recommendations to be passed on to wives, girlfriends, fiancés, mothers, sisters, daughters, etc. (to all women in general) These rules are to be communicated prior to the World Cup in June/July this year...

FAILURE TO ADHERE TO THE RULES STIPULATED AS PER BELOW WILL RESULT IN SEVERE REPERCUSSIONS.

List Of Rules.

1. From 9 June to 9 July 2006, you should read the sports section of the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.

2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote control, you will lose it (your eye).

3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don't mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me.

4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell from the second floor....it wont happen.

5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day. This rule however is discretionary. (please refer to rule 2)

6. Please, please, please!! if you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say "get over it, its only a game", or "don't worry, they'll win next time". If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and
I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and your so called "words of encouragement" will only lead to a break up or divorce (not necessarily in that order).

7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the halftime score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying "one" game, hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to "spend time together".

8. The replays of the goals are very important. I don't care if I have seen them or I haven't seen them, I want to see them again. Many times.

9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:
a) I will not go,
b) I will not go, and
c) I will not go.

10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.

11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying "but you have already seen this...why don't you change the channel to something we can all watch??", the reply will be: "Refer to Rule #2 of this list".

12. And finally, please save your ex-pressions such as "Thank God the World Cup is only every 4 years". I am immune to these words, because after this comes the Champions League, Italian League, Spanish League, Premier League, etc etc............

Thank you for your cooperation.

Regards,
Men of the World

Amit ji pls read this

This is when Amitabh Bachan got fit after his long illness.....

one fine morning he told his drvier "Arre bhai aaj Gaadi hum chalayenge..".

driver: "Par saab aapki tabyat?.."

amitabh :"Aree meri tabyat thik ho gayi he, I am fit and fine...kya dance karke dikhau, dialogue, fighting kareke dikhau...

....Hain"

Ok then he starts driving the car very fast.... zoooooooooom

breaks one red signal.........

breaks second red signal..........

breaks on more red signal...........

Then a traffic hawaldar stops the car, tells the car to be sided to the road..

Tells the driver to come out... "Chalo liscence dikhao, puc, gaadi ke kagjaaat..."

Sees amitabh "are Amitabh Bachhan?!!!" he is very suprised to see him....

Then he quickly on wireless calls his senior officers....

"Sir, aap jaldi yaha aye naake par..."

Sir:"Kyun kya hua??"

Havaldar:"Sir ek gaadi ne signal toda he aur maine us gaadi ko side me rakha he"

Sir: "To phir?"

hawaldar:"SIr, Us gaadi ka maalik bahut bada aadmi he sir .... mein uska challan nahi phaad sakta aap khud yahan aiye .."

Sir:"KON MAALIK HE US GAADI KA??"

HAWALDAR : "WOH TO PATA NAHI SIR PAR USNE NE HE NA SIR ... AMITABH BACHHAN KO DRIVER RAKHA HE....".

Bubble

A new lady teacher came to teach 8th standard students. As it was the first day, she gave her intro, and asked all the students to introduce themselves with name and hobby.

She said, Lets start with the boys first.

Boys start giving their intro...
First boy: My name is John, and my hobby is to see "bubble" in the bathtub.

Teacher was confused to listen but said, Interesting. Well, Ok. Infact, we must be honest in telling the hobby. And after all there is essentially a child in each of us. So its ok John. Yes next.

Second boy: Myself Peter and my hobby is to see "bubble" in the bathtub.

Teacher now got surprised and said, Good. I like the spirit of supporting a friend. Ok next.

Third boy: Im Smith and my hobby is to see "bubble" in the bathtub.

Teacher: Guys are you joking or what? Please be sincere. Ok next.

This continues...

and the last boy stands up Im Harry and my hobby is to see "bubble" in the bathtub.

Exhausted, the teacher said, I dont think I will be able to teach un-grown boys for long.

Anyway, now the girls please.

First girl: Im Julie and my hobby is to see birds.

Teacher: Good. At last I got something different. Ok next.

Second girl: Im Ruby and I like to collect perfumes.

Teacher Now its like educated grown up girls. Ok next. You sweet girl; Yes you...

Most beautiful girl of the class:

Mam, my name is BUBBLE, and my hobby is to take bath three times a day.

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3 Monkeys of Gandhi