One Liners

If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.

Behind every great man, there is a surprised woman.

A Spouse is someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.

The reason men lie is because women ask so many questions.

Smoking helps you lose weight ... one lung at a time

When I read about the evils of drinking... I gave up reading.

My Grandfather is eighty and still doesn't need glasses... He drinks straight out of the bottle.

You know the kids are growing up when your daughter begins to put on lipstick or your son starts to wipe it off.

I always leave an empty milk carton in the refrigerator just in case some one wants black coffee.

Getting caught is the mother of invention.

Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is the fact that it has never tried to contact us.